Shifting Perception Radically Transforms Relationships

Lynne McTaggart – Shifting Perception Radically Transforms Relationships

Too many marriages end in divorce and relationships don’t last – and a radical new book thinks it may have the reason — and the solution.

In a paradigm-shifting new book, THE BOND: Connecting Through the Space Between Us, award-winning journalist Lynne McTaggart, author of international bestsellers The Field and The Intention Experiment, argues that all the crises in our relationships occur because we always put ourselves at the centre of any drama.

Yet, as McTaggart explains, this goes against our basic nature and biology.  New discoveries in physics and biology – which McTaggart outlines in the book – demonstrate that all living things succeed and prosper only when they see themselves as being part of a group.

In other words, it’s not me, it’s us.

McTaggart demonstrates that every conflict that occurs – whether between husband and wife, social or racial groups, or even nations – is resolved only when we can fully see and embrace the other’s point of view.

Among a host of revelations gathered from groundbreaking research in multiple scientific disciplines, from physics and biology to the social sciences, THE BOND discloses that we are not “individuals” in any sense of the term:

  • We understand the actions of others by simulating the entire experience from a personal vantage point  — as though it were happening to us.
  • One of our deepest needs is to agree with each other, which manifests in a constant and automatic impulse to synchronize, physically, psychologically and emotionally.
  • Emotion, always considered wholly individual, is like a virus, transferring from person to person in an endless and unconscious circle of contagion.
  • Both happiness and loneliness are socially contagious.
  • Connecting with others is a matter of life and death; the lone-wolf, Gary Cooper-style all-American hero is a perfect candidate for a heart attack.
  • A desire to help others, even at personal cost, is so necessary to us that we experience it as one of our chief pleasurable activities, as essential and pleasurable as eating and having sex.
  • There is evidence of an “it’s not fair” spot in the human brain, so that people are less interested in making money for themselves than in rectifying financial inequality.

The key to a successful relationship is to conceive of the relationship itself as a ‘thing in itself” and to focus on the ‘space in between” — the glue that holds it together, says McTaggart.

“Once we view ourselves as a part of a bigger whole, we begin to act differently toward each other.  By removing a self-serving aim from the relationship, we stop fighting nature and surrender to our natural impulse toward holism,” she says. “We can easily embrace difference within that larger definition of connection.”

A leading figure in the international mind-body-spirit and consciousness communities, McTaggart offers detailed recommendations to help foster more cooperative relationships and more unified neighbourhoods.

Blending a array of case studies into a highly readable narrative, she shows how:

  • we can learn to relate to each other from the experience of two rival gangs in Watts, Los Angeles.
  • survivors of the 2004 Tsunami can teach us to see our relationships in wholeness.
  • A new way of speaking and listening, inspired by quantum physics, can overcome polarisation, helping the staunchest of enemies to become close friends — as it did among pro-life and pro-choice activists.
  • a simple daily practice conditions the mechanism of the brain to enable its owner to become more empathetic toward others.
  • A former member of the Hitler youth movement and the daughter of a Holocaust survivor can demonstrate important ways to forgive and connect again.
  • Your neighbours and your best friends can become your savings bank.
  • One tiny act of kindness — a bit of change left in a Coke machine — can cause a wave
  • of generosity throughout a vast corporation and an entire community.
  • People who fire together wire together; whenever a group works together for a common goal, the brains of all parties begin to get on the same wavelength — strengthening the bond within the group.
  • We can gain tips from the Oxford rowing team, the Chilean Miners, a community water pipeline and a Syrian translator about creating a new and vibrant neighborhood.

Ultimately, The Bond offers the first roadmap of how to live according to this new scientific story, in harmony with our true nature and each other.